In the middle of our brunch date, Yvonne asked me to go with her to a New Year’s Eve party. She told me she had two tickets to some event called Lights On. I laughed nervously, thinking about ringing in the new year alongside Yvonne and a couple hundred strangers.
“I can’t think of the last time I stepped into somebody’s club,” I confessed.
Even agreeing to get brunch with Yvonne had been a big step for me. It was my first attempt at dating since breaking off the ten-year relationship that had made me everything I was and then ruined everything I was. Funny how one person can be the architect of your soul and then the demolition team. Funny how in my preparation for a new chapter in life, my mind kept drifting towards the past I shared with Christian.
Ten years was a third of my life spent on a relationship with her, which seems like a lot, except when compared to the eternity we promised each other. Compared to eternity, ten years felt like I’d been gypped.
All of my focus had been on picking up the pieces of my failed marriage. I wanted to fight for my relationship, but after signing the fourth version of our divorce decree I realized I needed to let go. Divorce decree number five finalized the split.
I learned to cope with life as a divorced woman. Everything from shared custody of the kids to changing my last name, I tried to navigate my new world with grace. The last year brought so many changes in my life. My head spun trying to keep up with them all.
Yvonne wasn’t the first person to ask me out on a date. Before the ink dried, men and women alike approached me with promises to help mend my broken heart. She was the first person I said yes to.
*
I walked into a barbecue restaurant, feigning for brisket and potato salad and she nearly jumped over the counter to speak to me. We worked side by side for years, before she quit to start her own business. I had no idea I stumbled into the restaurant she owned. I always suspected Yvonne had a crush on me and this encounter was no different.
“You look amazing,” she said as if I wasn’t wearing yoga pants and over-sized shirt with my face still glazed with sweat from my morning workout.
“You have no idea how much I miss your compliments. Even when I look busted, you can make me blush.”
We fell into a familiar banter, catching each other up on our lives. Business at Yvonne’s restaurant boomed, as word of mouth brought in new customers. The brisket was the bomb, so I praised her success before updating her on the monotony of the corporate world.
“I didn’t expect you to stay much longer, especially after they passed you up for that promotion.”
“I didn’t plan on it,” I confessed. “I had actually been considering taking some time off, but other things happened and my plans changed.”
“I heard about you and Christian breaking up,” Yvonne nodded, which wasn’t a surprise. The lesbian community was could sometimes seem so small. Everyone knew everyone and everyone loved to talk. Plus, Christian and Yvonne went to the same high school and had plenty of mutual acquaintances.
“Yea. It was hard at first. You never realize how much you rely on someone emotionally and financially until they’re gone. I’ve been making it, though,” I said with a proud smile on my face. “My life has been one transition after another this year. First the divorce and then starting a new job.”
“You made it off the plantation!”
“Yes,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air and laughing. “I’m actually mad I didn’t do it sooner. I can work from home, except when I have team meetings. And I absolutely love my management team. They treat me like a person, instead of a warm body in a seat.”
“It sounds like you’ve enjoyed all types of new beginnings. That’s great!”
One of her employees yelled for her behind the counter. Yvonne flashed a nervous smile. She didn’t seem to want to end our conversation. I knew she needed to go. “Duty calls, huh? I should probably let you get back.”
“Yea, this place doesn’t run without me. It’s a blessing and a curse.”
“You should be proud of everything you’ve built here.”
“Thank you,” Yvonne said. She looked over her shoulder, but didn’t move. “I would love to finish catching up with you. Do you want to grab coffee this weekend? Maybe, go to brunch?”
Her smile widened. She was blushing, awaiting my answer. I realized very quickly that she was asking me out on a date. Even when we worked together, I suspected she had a crush on me. But that didn’t stop me from saying yes.
“Sounds fun,” I nodded.
Hadn’t I just said that I wanted to spend more time having fun and less time sulking at home? So what if it was a date? This was my friend, Yvonne, who always made me laugh and I could talk about anything.
*
Yvonne sat at the bar, nervously staring at the door of the restaurant. Watching her through the windows, I realized I had never had anyone get so unnerved because of little, old me. I knew she had a crush on me, but tried not to focus on that when I headed to brunch.
“Hey there,” I waved at Yvonne. She smiled wide, slipping off the bar stool to give me a hug.
The restaurant was like the ones my friends talked about, but I’d never had the privilege to see myself. A DJ played R&B classics in the corner while people indulged in mimosas. Not the type of place I could enjoy with my kids in tow.
“Have you ever been here,” Yvonne asked, as the hostess ushered us to an open table.
“No. I usually don’t go to restaurants that don’t have a kid’s menu.”
“Oh, you’re in for a real treat. Sounds like you’re long overdue for one,” Yvonne said, still looking at me adoringly.
She moved to the other side of the booth, sitting next to me. It was weird to have her in my bubble, but I tried to go with the flow, listening to her explain different items on the menu. When our waitress came by to introduce herself, Yvonne encouraged me to share a carafe of mimosas and allowed me to order an appetizer.
“Do you come to places like this a lot,” I asked her, as the waitress disappeared.
“Not really. I’m a workaholic, but I try at least once a month to take myself out on a date. I’ll go out to eat or to a music concert or the movies. They’re like my monthly adventures. It sounds weird, I know.”
“No, not at all. I mean, I don’t think I would have the guts to do anything alone.”
“I thought the same thing. The first time I sat in a restaurant by myself I was at the table shaking with anxiety, but afterwards I felt like I had gotten stronger somehow. Doing things on my own has definitely helped me learn more about myself.”
“That’s amazing. I can definitely relate to that,” I sighed. “I haven’t been alone in a long time, but it helped me get reacquainted with who I really am. Have you had one of those moments where you look at your reflection and were surprised at what you see?”
“Yea, a couple of times,” she laughed. “It’s not always a bad thing, though.”
“No, it’s not. I looked in the mirror and it dawned on me that I’m not half bad.”
“Not half bad? Girl, you need to give yourself more credit than that. You’re a wonderful woman. You always have been.”
I blushed and took another sip of my mimosa. Yvonne’s eyes filled with adoration, staring a hole into the side of my head. I learned in the last few months I didn’t need anyone to validate me, but it was nice to hear Yvonne’s compliments.
As our plates arrived, Yvonne kept them coming. I gobbled them up just like I did the chicken and waffles in front of me. We talked about everything under the sun, but Yvonne always found a way to keep going back to how she thought I was amazing and beautiful. I enjoyed every minute of it, too.
“I might be jumping the gun by asking about a second date, but how do you feel about going with me to this New Year’s Eve party?”
The anxiety of a second date made my mind go into hyperdrive. What if this second date turned into something more serious? Was I ready for something like this? On New Year’s Eve, at that. Why did she want to ring in the New Year with me?
When I agreed to get coffee with Yvonne, I had only been trying to be nice. I didn’t expect her to sit across me with googly eyes, spending the greater part of an hour telling me how beautiful and great I was. It was nice to hear those things, but also very overwhelming. I was ill-prepared for her compliments and even more ill-prepared to consider a relationship with this woman.
“You look overwhelmed,” Yvonne said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I just thought it would be fun.”
Fun was a foreign concept to me. All I knew was stress and crying myself to sleep. I hated that was my reality. As the year came to an end, I reflected on what I hoped might change in my life. Usually, I didn’t bother with resolutions, but after an emotionally brutal year I needed something to hold on to.
“No, it sounds like fun,” I said. Overthinking the situation didn’t do me any favors. I wanted to move on from my divorce and forge a new and improved life. I didn’t know if I could do that while sitting at home with a tub of ice cream. If I wanted my year to be different from I needed to do something different. “I don’t know what I’m going to wear, but it sounds fun. I would love to go with you.”
*
Yvonne knocked on my door with a long-stemmed rose in one hand and a bottle of Hennessy in the other. Her short dreads were braided into cornrows. She looked handsome with a black button-down matched with creased white slacks.
“You look so beautiful,” she said, smiling as she looked me up and down.
I squeezed into a sexy black dress with rhinestones decorating the bodice and a frilly tutu that fell against my upper thighs. I felt as good as I looked, twirling around to let the bottom of my dress fly. Yvonne didn’t seem bothered by my silliness. She laughed, clapped, and cheered me on.
“Thanks for entertaining me,” I laughed, giving her a hug.
“I got this for you.” Yvonne held up the rose and the alcohol. “Do you want to have a drink before we leave?”
“Sounds good to me.”
Yvonne sat at my kitchen table while I found glasses for the two of us. I sat the glass of brown liquor in front of her, but she didn’t stir. She was too busy looking at the stack of pictures that my daughter left nearby.
“The perks of having kids. You find these little treasures also known as clutter everywhere.”
“They’re so cute, though,” Yvonne smiled. She held up a picture that my daughter drew and labeled mom. “Look how well she captured the color in your eyes.”
I laughed, “Yea and I love the way that my legs are connected to my smile.”
“You’re lucky, though. This really is the sweetest thing in the world.”
“I am so lucky,” I said, thinking of my munchkins. My five-year-old daughter looked and acted just like me. My two-year-old son was a rough and rugged little boy who liked dump trucks and basketball. If I didn’t pay attention, he would eat dirt without blinking an eye.
“When I was younger, I imagined having tons of kids,” Yvonne said.
“What’s stopping you?”
Yvonne blushed before reaching for her glass, “If that question isn’t a good excuse to start sipping, I don’t know what is. Honestly, though, I always wanted kids but it’s hard to wrap your head around doing it on your own. I want the whole package. The wife. The kids. And the white picket fence.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” I said. “I mean, I can definitely relate. After I got married, I just knew everything else would fall in line.”
“Was there ever a moment when you thought this isn’t what I thought it would be?”
“All the time. Don’t get me wrong, I was very committed to my marriage. The best way to explain it is that I kept seeing red flags. Like cracks in the façade. And eventually it all came crumbling down.”
“Real love doesn’t crack or crumble. If you ask me,” Yvonne said, speaking into her glass. “I guess you didn’t.”
“No, but I agree with you. Love comes with ups and downs, but even during low points a good relationship gets stronger.”
Yvonne refilled our glasses, “Cheers to that.”
*
I linked my arm into Yvonne’s as we stepped towards the entrance of the club. We looked good next to each other. I smiled at the sight of our reflection in the tinted windows as we waited to present our tickets to security.
It was still early, so we were one of the first partygoers filing into the club. After all the Hennessy we drank at my house, neither of us cared. I wanted to dance and as childish as it seemed, I couldn’t wait to have another opportunity to twirl around in my frilly dress.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing Yvonne’s hand and pulling her towards the dancefloor.
“You waste no time,” she joked. “You’re not going to run off on me at midnight are you?”
I moved my hips to the rhythm of the music. “I didn’t plan on it. I just feel good. I want to dance. And I don’t want to hold anything back.”
Before leaving for the club, we put a dent in the bottle of Hennessy. We giggled on the way there with the effects of the brown liquor hittng us hard. I probably shouldn’t have drank so much in such a short amount of time. Talking and laughing with Yvonne, I got caught up in the moment and didn’t care one bit. I wanted to focus on Yvonne and having fun, nothing else.
“Don’t let me get in your way.”
Yvonne’s hands made themselves comfortable on the curve of my hip, holding me close, as we swayed together to the music churning out of the DJ’s booth. I would never claim to be the best dancer on the world. Next to Yvonne, all my movements felt like the right ones. Winding my hips against her made her grip on my waist tighten, which made me lose my breath.
I tried to stay in the moment, but could not stay grounded in the present with her hands continuing to caress my sides. I tried to remember the last time anyone touched me so intimately. I kept thinking of ways to invite her back to my house without sounding like a complete slut.
“Do you want another drink,” Yvonne asked. “I think I need a break from dancing. It’s starting to get hot.”
“In more than one way,” I teased her.
“You’re not lying.”
I grabbed for her hand and allowed her to lead the way towards the bar. Yvonne fought through the crowd to order drinks for both of us. I stayed behind, patting the sweat on the back of my neck with a napkin.
“You were working up a sweat out there, huh?”
My heart sank. I recognized the voice before turning around. Why? The city was smaller than it looked, so I knew there was a chance I might run into my ex every time I stepped out the house. But why tonight of all nights?
*
Christian’s eyes burned a hole through Yvonne. She was as cool as a cucumber, smiling as she sipped her Long Island. She seemed unfazed by Christian’s presence and I would even go as far to say she was amused to see her so upset.
“Do you mind,” Christian growled at her. “Me and Dana need to talk.”
Yvonne raised her eyebrow, but chose to stay composed. She looked towards me, “Do you need some space?”
“Just give me a second,” I told her, knowing if I didn’t give Christian what Christian wanted then she would cause a scene.
“Alright.”
Yvonne shrugged and walked away. As she did, she touched the small of my back, letting her hand linger until I was out of reach. The entire time, Christian’s eyes were on her.
“I can’t believe you’re in here with Yvonne’s fat ass,” Christian huffed, flaring her nose. The name calling was excessive and unnecessary, but not unexpected. Christian Had always been consumed with appearance and perception.
I gained weight after birthing our youngest, packing on even more pounds than I gained during my actual pregnancy. Christian tried her hardest not to say anything, but I could tell by the way she looked at the stretch marks popping up in all the wrong places that my new body disgusted her. When I finally confronted her about the looks and lack of lovemaking, she confessed she missed my old body, “I mean you spoiled me, baby. I’m used to having a wife with the banging body.”
Instantaneously, I began to cry. Christian said I was being overly emotional, but I wasn’t. She was supposed to love me regardless if I gained forty pounds or lost my left leg in a freak accident. I didn’t think that expectation of her was exaggerated, but Christian and I were different.
“Why does it matter,” I asked, folding my arms across my chest.
“That she’s fat?”
I rolled my eyes and sighed, “That I’m here with her, Christian. Why do you care so much?”
“When people see you with her, what are they going to think? They’re going to come at me with all types of crazy shit. This is embarrassing.”
“Do you realize how many people called me when you started dating that barely twenty-one Instagram model,” I asked her. I didn’t bother mentioning how much it hurt, realizing I had been replaced by a younger, prettier model. “You never heard me complain. I told all those people that it was none of my business who you decided to spend your time with. I’d like the same courtesy.”
“You’re so much better than her,” Christian said.
I was better than her, too, and I let her waste ten years of my life. I didn’t bother throwing that in her face, though. I bit my tongue and put on a smile. Obviously, seeing me enjoy even the tiniest bit of happiness bothered her, so I wanted to take one more opportunity to get under her skin.
“Yvonne is probably waiting on me, so I should probably go,” I told her, still flashing a huge smile.
“Why are you doing this,” Christian asked.
I didn’t entertain her with an answer. She gave up her right to keep tabs on me. Like it or not, I had moved on from crying over the heartbreak she put me through. I didn’t want to spend one more second dwelling on the pain or the negativity.
Instead, I wanted to have fun and dance. I wanted to share my time with someone who made me feel beautiful and wanted. Walking into the party, I still carried the fear of moving on. After talking to Christian, I realized I needed to let that go and enjoy myself.
Yvonne smiled as I walked towards her. She handed me a flute filled with champagne and I drank it quickly. It wasn’t strong enough to give me the liquid confidence I wanted, but I didn’t need it. I leaned in close, pressing my lips against her ear, “Can you take me to your place?”
*
“I’m sorry I pulled you away from the party so early,” I said as Yvonne fiddled with the keys of her apartment. “Seeing Christian sucked all the fun out of the place.”
“It’s okay. You guys looked like you were in the middle of a pretty intense conversation.”
“Yea,” I sighed as we stepped into her place. It was quaint, but cute. Earth tones made her living room area so inviting. I could still smell the cologne she spritzed on herself earlier lingering in the air.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“God no,” I laughed, looking into Yvonne’s eyes. “There are so many more interesting things to do.”
“Fair enough. It’s still pretty early. Only a little after ten. Did you want to find another party? Or we could just hang here. There’s more than enough Hennessy to start some trouble.”
“Let’s just stay here and make our own fun,” I said. Yvonne seemed oblivious to my intentions, which amused the hell out of me. “Your apartment is so nice. You should give me the grand tour.”
Yvonne entertained me, “Okay. I’ll warn you that it will be pretty quick.”
We stepped into her small kitchen. I laughed at an old picture laying under a fridge magnet of her wearing a dress alongside her older sisters. She showed me her record collection in the corner of the living room and the tiny porch where she enjoyed her morning coffee. Each little nook of her apartment helped me get to know Yvonne on a deeper level and I was impressed with everything I learned.
Asking for a tour of the place had been a not-so elaborate ploy to get into her bedroom. As soon as she opened the door, I flopped down in the middle of her queen-sized bed.
“Excuse me, ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Checking to see if your bed is comfortable.”
“What’s the verdict?” She bit her lip as she looked down at me posing in the middle of her mattress.
“I feel like it’s missing something,” I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the bed. Having her close to me made my pussy pulsate. I was tired of acting shy and beating around the bush. I placed her hands on my booty, letting her know exactly what I wanted. “That’s better. This is pretty cozy.”
Yvonne leaned in close and kissed me. She rubbed on my booty while taking my bottom lip in between hers and sucking it slow. We rolled back and forth on top of the sheets, kissing and touching each other. I wrapped my legs around her waist as she nibbled on my earlobe.
“I want you so bad.”
“I want you, too,” Yvonne whispered, reaching under my dress to rub my thighs. “Are you nervous?”
I nodded. Anxiety overwhelmed every bone in my body. “Just a little.”
“Me, too. I haven’t been with a woman in a long time,” Yvonne confessed. Her gentle touch helped ease my nerves. She kissed me while helping me out of my dress.
My insecurities got the best of me, laying in the middle of her bed with the lights on. I tried to cover the stretch marks on my stomach, but Yvonne moved my hands away. She licked her lips and without saying anything I knew how sexy she thought I was. Her eyes scanned my imperfect body with the uneven complexion and stretch marks covering my stomach. The lust in her eyes grew with each second.
Yvonne didn’t hesitate. She kissed my stomach as if on a mission to put her lips on every line running across it. I couldn’t wait to feel her lips on my precious pearl. I pulled my panties down and showed her how wet she had gotten me.
“Are you sure you want to do this,” Yvonne asked, but didn’t take her eyes off my sweetness.
“Yes,” I nodded quickly, pushing the top of her head to put her in between my thighs.
Her tongue drew a slow circle around the opening of my pussy. Once. Twice. By the third time, I felt like I might scream. When her thick tongue wiggled inside of me, I couldn’t hold back anymore. With my eyes closed, I let out the loudest moan. I reached down and placed my hand on the back of Yvonne’s head, running my fingers along her braids.
“Yes,” I moaned. Yvonne went to work, curving her tongue to slowly massage the inside of my pussy. Her arms wrapped around me and she gripped my ass as she pushed her tongue in and out.
“You taste so good,” she said, gasping for air.
I grabbed her face with a hand on both of her cheeks, pulling her into a kiss. She was right. I tasted sweet on her lips. I savored the flavor as her fingers tickled my folds. I had never been so wet before. Her fingers slipped inside of me, teasing me as her kisses moved to the side of my neck.
Yvonne whispered into my ear, “I want to fuck you so bad.”
“I want you to,” I said.
She pulled away, leaving me on the bed to anticipate what was next. When she reached into the top drawer of her dresser, I could have squealed with excitement. Yvonne held the leather straps of a harness in one hand. With the other she held up one finger, telling me to give her a second.
It had spent many intimate nights with my vibrator pretending they were moments like this. I couldn’t wait for Yvonne to climb in between my thighs and stretch my pussy out with her toy. I closed my eyes and played with myself while waiting for her, thinking of all the ways she would soon pleasure me.
“God,” I gasped, feeling like I might orgasm before Yvonne returned.
When I opened my eyes, she was standing over me with a huge smile on her face. She rubbed her clit underneath the harness, making the brown colored dildo bounce against her thighs.
“Don’t stop because of me.”
“Just keeping it warm for you,” I smiled, watching her position herself in between my legs.
Yvonne looked deep into my eyes as she teased my pussy with the tip of her toy. I moaned and grabbed my breast, anticipating the moment she would slide the thick silicon inside me. Yvonne had no intention on rushing through this ordeal.
The dildo pushed inside of me slowly with Yvonne admiring the tightness of my pussy. She teased my pussy, giving me an inch or two before pulling away. My lips quivered, wanting the entire ten inches.
She settled against my spot with ease and I instantly felt myself losing control. Yvonne smiled at my excitement. She rubbed her hands along my stomach and hips to calm me down, “Your ten steps ahead of me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It feels so good.”
“It’s okay, babe. Just stay in this moment with me,” she said.
Her hips started rocking against me, sending the dildo deeper inside of me. I did as she said, taking in every second of our encounter and every iota of pleasure as a new experience. My eyes locked onto Yvonne’s, who only looked away to occasionally watch her member slam into my pussy.
She lay on top of me, resting her head between my neck and my shoulder. I rubbed her back and her neck as she wiggled even deeper inside of me. With a new angle, Yvonne increased the speed. Her strokes hit the perfect place every time. I could barely catch my breath. My toes curled and I gripped the sheets underneath me.
Seconds away from orgasming, I moaned loudly. Yvonne whimpered too. The thrusts inside of me were just as pleasurable for her. My thighs tightened when I reached my peak. Shortly after she took in a long deep breath and held it.
“Wow,” I gasped as she rolled off of me. I couldn’t even put into words how I felt.
“You okay,” Yvonne asked, tracing my arm with her fingers.
“I’m fantastic. You are amazing.”
“So are you.” She leaned down and kissed me.
“Is it after midnight already?”
“Not yet. Another twenty minutes.”
“I’ve already finished my new year’s resolution.”
“To get laid,” Yvonne joked, wrapping her arms around me.
“To be open to new opportunities and be less jaded by the past. You definitely made it easy to let down my guard.”
“I know this is only our second date, so I don’t want to be too assumptive. I will be whatever you need me to be for however long you want. You deserve to have someone make you feel good.”
“You’ve done a good job at doing that. In more than one way,” I told her. “Do you have a resolution you want to work on?”
“Not really. I try to tackle challenges and obstacles as they come up instead of waiting on something like the first of January.”
“Well, there has to be something in the cards for you?”
“Hopefully a third date with this really special woman.”
“Does breakfast in bed count,” I yawned, feeling my eyelids start to get heavy. I was all worn out between dancing at the club and the way Yvonne worked me out. I hoped she didn’t mind me sleeping over.
“Sounds like the best thing I’ve heard this year so far.”
“It’s after midnight,” I shrieked, feeling a sudden burst of energy.
“Yea and I think this one is going to be a good one. Happy New Year, Dana.”
Yvonne kissed my lips goodnight and I knew what she said was true. I had been looking forward to putting the heartbreak of my divorce in the past, but had no clue I might stumble into something like this with someone like her. No longer did I have to worry about all the ways my ex failed to love me. Yvonne had filled my cup in a matter of hours. I couldn’t wait to see what was next for the two of us.
“Happy New Year.”