“How do you know…or I guess how did you figure out that you liked women,” Sahara asked.
I gave her the side eye. She made an assumptive comment a few days ago about her not expecting me to be a lesbian because of the way I looked and I let that slide. Now we were playing 21 Questions: Rainbow Edition.
How do you know? It was such a cliché question for a straight person to ask. In my experience, no matter what I said her response would be one of two things. Either some hetero bullshit reference to the garden of Eden. Or a long winded confession of her suppressed homo curiosities. I was in the mood for neither.
“How do you know when you’re attracted to a man,” I snapped back.
“Pull up his FICO score,” Sahara joked. She liked to play as if she was really that superficial. In my opinion, the only reason Sahara was still single was because she hadn’t realized the difference between reality and fairy tales.
I laughed, “You’re really something else. But, I have to ask why you’re asking me this random ass question, Sahara. Not to be rude or anything but why does it matter?”
“Sorry,” Sahara said, looking down at her nails to avoid eye contact. “I guess I’ve always just wondered. And we’re cool, right? I thought I could ask you.”
Our friendship was fairly new. I met Sahara at the gym and we realized we lived in the same apartment complex. It was weird when Sahara asked me to go to happy hour with her, but I soon realized she was just friendly as fuck. Always smiling. Always making small talk with somebody. Her mood was hardly anything other than chipper.
The two of us had a lot in common, too, besides me having more of a prickly personality. We clicked, though. I could admit it was nice to have someone to talk to when I was in the mood, to go with me to the nail salon, and drink wine by the pool after a long day.
I didn’t even realize until a week prior that she hadn’t picked up on the fact that I was gay. The subject never came up and since I wasn’t looking for anything besides a friend there was no reason to mention my sexuality to Sahara. She was telling me something about her bum of an ex-boyfriend and I let it slip about my ex-girlfriend being equally bummy. Things had been awkward ever since.
I reluctantly answered her question, “Its not that big of a deal. People ask me that question all the time. Same sex attraction is honestly no different from anything else. And before you even ask how two women have sex, I’ll just tell you there are free videos all over the internet that can help you with those answers.”
“Don’t remember asking, but thanks for the recommendation,” Sahara laughed, spreading out on the couch. She looked up at the ceiling and her mind seemed to drift off to some other place for a second. She looked over to me, again, “One more question, though. And before you get mad, you’re the only one I feel comfortable asking.”
I pretended to roll my eyes and joined her on the couch, sitting on her feet since she didn’t move them fast enough, “This better not be any gay shit, Sahara.”
“It might be. I’ll let you be the judge. Its really more of a scenario than a question.”
“Spit it out.”
“So, would you consider two women who maybe get a little too flirty when they’re drinking to be like gay or bisexual or whatever? I’m asking for a friend.”
“A friend? Right,” I rolled my eyes for real. Saw this shit coming a mile away. “What do you consider too flirty?”
“Making out, mostly. And most recently a little finger fucking in the backseat of my car. My friend’s car, I mean. I mean not me. The friend.”
“Well, first off, I would recommend your friend lose the friend act if she wants some real advice because I’m getting fucking confused.”
“Fine,” Sahara crossed her arms. “Me and my homegirl, Keke were out drinking the other night. And every time we start on that brown liquor, she starts getting freaky and wanting to kiss on me. No big deal because she’s a good kisser and usually it gets the attention of guys so we kind of just go our separate ways. But there weren’t any guys and she started rubbing on my legs and my booty. And then we went to the car and all that stuff happened in the back seat.”
“Now, you think you’re a lesbian,” I struggled to stifle a laugh.
“I mean, am I?”
“That’s not how this works, lady bug. Only you can decide what the answer to that question is.”
“You’re worse than Keke.”
“Did she not enjoy y’all back seat bump and grind?”
Sahara shrugged, “I didn’t…finish. I started moaning and she said I was tripping and stopped. Said something about she needs to stop drinking. I didn’t bring it up next time I talked to her. She was telling me about this dude she met and him having a friend. I wasn’t really trying to hear all that, but she claims I need a man.”
“So, she started tickling your clit clat and then said you were tripping because you liked it. This is some crazy shit.”
“I mean, I liked it. But, it’s been a while, you know? Maybe, that’s the reason why. Right?”
I shrugged. Sahara wanted answers that I could not give her. I made a bee line for the kitchen, wanting some wine to go with the hot tea she had spilt all over my couch. I handed her a glass, “Its nothing to trip about, honestly.”
“But, what if I’ve been gay this whole time and didn’t know it.”
I shrugged, again, swallowing the sweet red in my glass, “That’s life.”
“Well, how do you know if you’re attracted to another woman or not?”
I slurped down the wine a little faster, “Lets just take Keke, as the woman you may or may not be attracted to since she was popping your cherry already. Do you think she’s cute?”
“She’s pretty.”
“Besides when y’all are drunk, do you ever think about kissing her.?”
“Not really.”
“Do you ever think about her pussy? You think its tight or what?”
“What,” Sahara shrieked in dismay. “No! Do you really look at a woman and think about stuff like that.”
I laughed, “That’s kind of how this lesbian thing works. Y’all probably need to stop letting that brown liquor rot y’all’s brains. You’re not gay, girl.”