My heart stopped, seeing her arms wrapped around another woman. I always wondered how I might react to finding Jayla cheating. I often joked with friends that I would cut a bitch, but always suspected my sadness would outweigh the anger of being betrayed.
This was the love of my life, the woman who cried when I walked down the aisle at our wedding. I spotted her standing on the patio of Jazzy Bells, a local jazz club that was “family” friendly, with her shoulder length hair pulled back in a neat ponytail and a huge smile on her copper colored face. She alternated between smooching some young thing with long legs and an ass that put Kim K’s to shame and smoking a Newport, something she vowed to never do again after I found out about my first pregnancy.
Jayla didn’t see me. She was too wrapped up in her good times and her company, who shamelessly reached into the front of her pants, confirming they were definitely more than just friends. Jayla didn’t try to stop her, either. She smiled and pulled her into another long and passionate kiss.
“Something wrong,” Carmen asked, approaching me with the tequila sunrise I sent her to the bar to get for me.
I struggled to speak. I had just caught the love of my life cheating in plain sight in a club we used to frequent together. I didn’t know what to say. Not to her. And definitely not to Carmen, who months prior made me promise not to mention Jayla when we were together.
“I know y’all have issues and it’s complicated, but I’m not your therapist,” Carmen told me. She could be okay with me going home to Jayla, but she did not want our budding relationship to be poisoned with my continual problems with my wife.
So, I kept my relationship issues with Jayla to myself. The last thing I needed was two troubled relationships. Plus, I was falling for Carmen, so I wanted to keep her happy. Our six month affair had been just what the doctor ordered. For the first time in a long time, I felt legitimately happy. And looking over at Jayla, she seemed to feel the same way about her new friend.
So, what could I say? I couldn’t very well go over and cause a scene when I was cheating, too, possibly in love with someone other than the woman I promised to share forever with. So, I didn’t. I smiled and told Carmen, “It’s kind of cold out here.”
“We can go back inside, baby,” Carmen suggested, wanting to do anything to keep the smile on my face.
“Let’s just finish our drinks and head to your place,” I told her, as we headed back inside. I didn’t want to risk running into Jayla, but looking back at her one last time before we left, I saw her dark brown eyes pointed right towards me. The jig was up.
I pushed pass my guilt and fear of what the future held after being spotted by Jayla. She called me twice immediately after Carmen and I left the jazz club, but I ignored the calls and the inevitable conversation, wanting to enjoy the rest of my night with my new love interest.
Before Carmen could unlock the door to her apartment, I managed to unbuckle her belt and weasel my hand into the front of her pants. I focused completely on her, her soft skin, and the facial expressions she made, as I teased her. I moved closer to her center, feeling the beginning of wetness. As soon as my fingertip tapped her opening, she pulled away with a huge smile on her face.
“Can I at least take off my shoes this time,” Carmen laughed, bending down to untie her sneakers. She liked to take her time, as much as possible. If I let her, she wouldn’t even entertain the idea of sex before lighting candles and picking out the perfect smooth R&B to play in the background .
I loved how romantic she was, paying attention to even the smallest details, but sometimes I was impatient. It had been an entire week since we’d been intimate and I didn’t know when I might see her again after this night. I just wanted to enjoy as many rounds of love making as humanly possible.
While Carmen focused on loosening a knot in her shoe strings, I went into the bedroom and started pulling off my clothes. To think before we started sleeping together, I had been self-conscious about my body. I didn’t look too bad for a mother of two, but I wasn’t initially eager to show her my C-section scar and the slight sag in my breasts. That night I couldn’t seem to get out of my clothes fast enough, anticipating how she might react to see the lacy red lingerie I picked out especially for her.
“Damn, baby,” Carmen gasped, as soon as she walked into the room and saw me posing in her bed. She slipped out of her pants and joined me in the bed, running her hand across my bare thigh. Her eyes ran across every inch of me and her facial expression never changed. The entire time she looked like she was in complete awe, mesmerized by my body, which only made me that much more excited.
It was nice to feel wanted, but I didn’t want to spend all night sitting on her pedestal. Carmen was finnicky about when and where she wanted to be touched, so I tried to respect her by asking first, “Can I taste you, baby?”
“Is that what you want,” Carmen asked, blushing just a little.
She could be so shy, but that only made me push harder. I wasn’t usually so blunt, but with Carmen I made a point to be. I knew it turned her on and helped her relax. I smiled, devilishly, “I want you to cum in mouth.”
Carmen smiled, as she leaned back in the bed, interlocking her fingers behind her head. That was all the invitation I needed to dive between her legs. I gripped her thick thighs and left a trail of kisses along the waistband of her boxers.
Her body was absolutely beautiful. Even though she was masculine, she didn’t mind me admiring her curvy hips and D cup breasts. I peeled away her clothes, unhooked her bra, and pulled her boxers down to her ankles. Carmen smiled all the while, spreading her legs just a little so I could see her freshly shaved kitty.
Her clit sat up like a gorgeous pearl. I flicked it a little with my finger before giving it a soft kiss. Carmen held her breath, looking down at me, as I planted soft kisses all around her clit and inside both of her swollen lips.
Once I knew I had her full attention, I gave her what she wanted. My tongue swirled against her, making her raise her hips against my face. I pulled out all my tricks and even tried a few new things, straining every muscle in my face just so I could push my tongue inside her as deep as possible. Carmen loved every bit of our session, grabbing the back of my head as I bobbed against her clit, fucking her as if I would never get the chance again. A part of me realized I might not. There was a storm brewing at home and I recognized even if I survived it, my relationship with Carmen might not.
After she couldn’t take anymore, Carmen fell back against her pillow and I lay against her chest. We cuddled close, saying nothing. Only focusing on our breathing and the smell of sex in the air. Out of nowhere, she sat up and looked at the digital clock across the room.
“It’s late,” Carmen mumbled with the disappointment in her voice apparent.
This was the moment we both hated. A little after midnight, when I could no longer explain my absence from home was usually when I kissed Carmen good-bye and promised her one day things would be different, something neither one of us really believed.
“I want to stay,” I said, cuddling closer. She didn’t argue or ask how I could manage that. She wrapped her arms around me and we fell asleep.
It was nice to wake up to her holding me close for a change, rather than waking up alone because Jayla had fallen asleep on the couch. I wished I could stay with her for a little while longer, but I couldn’t keep avoiding the problems at home. At the very least, I needed to check on my boys.
“Jayla came by last night,” my sister told me, as soon as she answered the phone. More times than not, Sienna was my alibi. Just the night before, I packed the kids up and spit some lie to Jayla about why the three of us were going to see my sister. I dropped off the boys with her and then went on about my plans for the night.
“Does she have the kids?”
“No,” Sienna answered quickly. “She was drunk and talking crazy. She said she knew you weren’t here and she came to get the kids. I didn’t know what she was trying to do, so I told her she couldn’t take the boys. When I threatened to call the cops, she left.”
I sighed and massaged my temples, “I saw her at Jazzy Bells.”
“Damn,” Sienna shrieked. “Did she say something?”
“Nope. She was there with another woman, too.”
“What the fuck,” Sienna shouted out in disbelief.
I could hear my baby boy in the background, “That’s a bad word. A bad bad word.”
I rolled my eyes, “I can’t wait until you have kids, so I can corrupt them with my foul mouth.”
“I can’t wait until I get married, so I can have you lie to my husband about where I’m at three nights a week.”
I laughed, “I’m not the only one lying, obviously.”
“The math doesn’t add up, Lynn. Two wrongs do not make a right.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know. But, I will watch the boys while you go talk to Jayla and figure things out.”
I felt so much tension in my shoulders, as I headed towards our house. I had been preparing for the moment things would end between Jayla and I for a while, but it didn’t make it any easier. I married her with every intention of sticking it out through thick and thin for the rest of forever. We were supposed to raise the boys together, grow old in our cozy house in the suburbs, and retire in Aruba.
None of those plans seemed very appealing knowing staying with Jayla would mean being miserable and unfulfilled. That’s what kept me from dying of guilt. She had made it obvious she didn’t care if I was happy or not. She just needed someone to keep the kids in line, pick up her dry cleaning, and have a warm meal ready for her.
I tried everything I could think of to get her attention and try to express my needs. Nothing helped. She continued to ignore and neglect me. I imagined she might be a little mad, but thought she should really be mad at herself. She was the one who pushed me by the wayside. It wasn’t my fault that I was tired of dealing with coming last in her list of priorities.
Walking into the house, I got a firsthand look at her rage. There was furniture tipped over and picture frames smashed. In the bedroom clothes were everywhere. Mine piled next to a bunch of suitcases. Hers on the floor, as if she determined to leave herself, but realized she had nowhere to go. Her mother had relocated to Maryland. Her older brother and sister were both in prison and her younger brother hadn’t spoken to anyone in the family in years.
So, I assumed she wanted me to leave. I had plenty of places I could go, plenty of family and friends. But, I wasn’t leaving. The house was in my name. The kids were bound to me by blood. And I had been the one, who got up to let the damn dog outside at all hours of the night.
“Jayla,” I called out, ready to just get this all over with. She didn’t answer, but I heard her in the bathroom. I found her with her head hovering over the toilet. Her body shook as the remnants of alcohol spewed from her. I looked down at her, “Long night?”
Jayla looked at me with bloodshot eyes from a mixture of her hangover and the rage that caused her to destroy half of our house. She struggled to get to her feet, but refused my help, “We need to talk.”
“You probably should rest. We will still have issues when you wake up.”
I headed for the door, intending to start cleaning up the mess she made. Jayla murmured, “Don’t leave. Where are you going?”
Suddenly, she needs me, I thought, rolling my eyes. At the brink of ruin, she wanted me to comfort her, but where had she been the last year when all I wanted was her time. The anger I learned to ignore bubbled to the surface. I turned to face her, “Why don’t you call your little hoe to help you?”
“It’s not what you think,” she groaned, sitting up in the bed.
“Then what is it?”
“I have a profile on this dating website,” Jayla confessed. “I only talked to girls. I didn’t do anything. The girl from last night kept messaging me, though. I don’t know why I went out with her. I mean…she seemed kind of…freaky.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“No! After I saw you, I dropped her off.” Jayla ran her hands through her hair. She looked at me, “Did you sleep with that girl you were with?”
Jayla’s eyes were filled to the brim with sadness and desperation. I looked away and admitted, “Yea. We’ve been seeing each other for a while.”
Jayla hung her head, “How long, Lynn.”
“Six months,” I told her. I took it upon myself to make the next confession without prompting, “I think I’m in love with her. She makes me happy.”
Jayla clenched her jaw, trying to process what I said. She was quiet for some time and then she said, “She’s fat. And mannish.”
“Well, at least she’s old enough to vote,” I snapped back, remembering her barely legal date from the night before.
Jayla laughed, which surprised the hell out of me. She shook her head, “Doesn’t change the fact that she’s not attractive. If you’re going to cheat on me than you could at least find someone decent looking.”
I rolled my eyes, “She’s sweet. And she listens to me. We don’t argue about dumb shit all the time.”
Jayla’s expression became serious, noticing the tears rolling down my face. I thought I was done crying over Jayla. She had no potential to change, so I didn’t know why I bothered.
“If you wanted those things, why didn’t you just say something?”
“I did!” I shouted, feeling overwhelmingly frustrated. “You don’t listen. You act like you don’t even care.”
“I do,” Jayla said, choking on the emotions creeping towards the surface. “Guess that doesn’t matter much now. You want to be with the fat bitch.”
I moved without thinking, slapping Jayla across the face. She looked stunned. I was probably just as surprised. We argued nonstop, but neither of us had ever become physical until that point. Her response was a closed fist, moving too fast towards my eye for me to avoid. I held my suddenly aching eye and began to cry as her rage erupted, “You cheat on me and then have the audacity to put your hands on me. I didn’t do anything to you, Lynn. All I ever did was love you.”
“Fuck you,” I spat. “Fuck you, Jayla. You haven’t said a single word to me in three damn days, except barking orders about chores and the fucking kids. I’m not your fucking slave. I’m a human being.”
“You’re a fucking whore!”
“You’re right. I’m her whore and it feels so fucking good,” I shouted, wanting to make Jayla hurt as much as I had been hurting while she neglected my needs.
“Shut up!”
“She does all the things that you never want to do,” I kept on. “She makes my toes curl and my eyes roll and I scream out her name when I cum, so she knows my pussy belongs to her.”
“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you,” Jayla screamed repeatedly. She opted out of hitting me, again, though at that point I deserved it. Instead, she shook me violently. “Do you even realize how much I fucking love and care about you?”
“Now, you fucking care! Now, you want to put your hands on me, but you couldn’t be bothered when I was begging you to sleep with me.”
“Is that what you want,” Jayla hollered, ripping at my blouse. The buttons bounced on the ground. I tried to cover myself, since I left Carmen’s apartment so fast I ended up leaving my bra. She grabbed my hands and pinned them to my side. Her face dove between my breasts, “You want me to fuck you, is that it?”
She stole my breath away, as she took my breast between her lips. I was partly scared and partly turned on, as she lifted me off the ground slightly in order to have better access to my nipples. I moaned, as she ravaged my chest, sucking and nibbling on my nipples in a way that she never had before.
After a few minutes, she grew tired of breast play and sat my feet on the ground. I felt dizzy and disoriented, but tried my best to stay on my feet, as she ripped my pants down. I squealed, feeling her tongue ring tickle my lower lips. That alone was enough to make me orgasm. I’d spent a long time, yearning for this moment, just the anticipation was enough to send an orgasm through me.
Before I knew it, my feet were once again leaving the ground. My legs wrapped around her neck. Jayla held me while simultaneously feasting on my center. I knew she had been spending a lot of time at the gym, but I had no idea this was the result of her daily workouts.
“Fuck,” I cried out.
Every noise escaping my lips motivated Jayla’s tongue to move faster. She lay me on the bed and truly started to lose her mind. Slurping sounds filled the air, as her tongue dipped in and out of the wetness building between my legs. I rocked my hips, grinding against her face, trying my hardest to keep up with her.
Her fingers crawled inside of me and pressed hard against my G-spot. Jayla didn’t wait for my tightness to ease up, pushing her two fingers in and out of me as fast as she could, “Is this what you want?”
“Yes!” I threw my head back and moaned, “Harder. Fuck me harder, Jay.”
Jayla stood up, “I got something for your ass.”
She disappeared for a second and returned to the bed, tightening the leather straps of a harness. I laughed a little, looking at the nine and a half inch dildo hanging between her legs. I bought it for her for Valentine’s Day. It was bright pink and bigger than what I was used to, but I thought Jayla would enjoy handing me some pleasurable pain.
I laughed because her excitement to use it was about eight months too late. She smiled wide, dipping the tip in the puddle in between my leg. She looked at me, “You’re laughing now.”
Jayla thrust forward, stealing my breath away. My back arched, as she wiggled as deep as she could. I felt her in my stomach. She fell into a rhythm, pushing as deep as she could as she rocked against me, using my thighs as leverage. I moaned and grabbed my breasts, playing with my nipples. I could feel her all the way in my chest.
“Does she fuck you like this,” Jayla panted. “Does she? Does she love you as much as I do?”
There were tears rolling down her cheeks, as my pussy convulsed. I saw her mouth the words I love you, but I couldn’t even focus on that. The waves of pleasure paralyzed me. I locked my knees and squealed at the top of my lungs, grabbing at her and at the sheets underneath me. Jayla wouldn’t let up. She went faster and harder, even as my legs grew tired and I screamed because I couldn’t take any more.
“Tell me you love me! Tell me you love me!”
“I love you,” I groaned, feeling another orgasm creep up on me. “I fucking love you, Jayla.”
She fell on top of me, holding me so tight I could barely breath. There was still so much tension between the two of us and so much that needed to be said. We lay there in silence, though. We lay there, breathing heavily until our hearts slowed and we fell asleep.
I woke up to loud knocking at the front door. I rolled over, feeing disoriented, “Get the door, Jay.”
“In a minute,” She whispered, pulling my body close to hers. We quickly drifted back to sleep and the knocking stopped for a second.
The banging got louder the second time around. Jayla rolled out of bed and retrieved a shirt, “Who the fuck is that?”
It took a minute for her to get to the door, but when she did I heard my sister’s voice, “Where is my sister?”
I wrapped the sheet around me and rushed towards the door. Sienna had probably been worried sick and calling me nonstop. I didn’t have the slightest clue of where I sat my phone before jumping in the sack with Jayla.
“Where is she,” said another voice that was slightly familiar.
“Who the fuck are you,” Jayla shouted.
“You’re worst nightmare, bitch. Now, where is she?”
“Carmen?” I wrapped the sheet around me tighter, as if I could hide the obvious.
“Shit,” Sienna hissed. “I didn’t know what was happening over here. You weren’t answering your phone. I called Carmen and she wanted to come with me to check on you.”
“We’re fine,” Jayla said, smiling hard and puffing her chest out with pride. “She doesn’t need your help, fat ass.”
Carmen lunged forward, knocking Jayla on the ground. I screamed and jumped to stop them, before remembering that I was wearing a sheet. Than I remembered everyone in the room had seen me naked at some point. By the time I jumped in to break up the two of them, Jayla had regained the upper hand, which was what I was afraid of.
Jayla, a former junior Olympian in boxing, whose hands were certified weapons, hit Carmen with two heavy hooks to the face. I pulled Carmen away and stood in front of Jayla, who seemed reluctant to stop. She laughed devilishly, bouncing back and forth with her fists up, “Move, Lynn.”
“You’re going to hurt her,” I told her, hoping Jayla would back down. Carmen’s face was already starting to swell.
“Fuck this,” Carmen grunted and stomped towards the door.
“Carmen! Wait!”
She made it to the door before I could stop her. And I was naked, so I had no choice, but to let her walk away. Except I did have a choice. She sped off, but I was determined to chase after her. I sprinted into the bedroom to get dressed, all while calling her, “Answer the phone! Shit!”
“Its over between the two of you,” Jayla growled, watching me bounce around the room trying to find clothes and then shoes. “Do you hear me, Lynn? Its over. We’re going to work on us. And you’re not going to see her anymore.”
I paused for a moment, looking in her direction. There was so much rage in her eyes. I felt bad for her. I knew what that felt like, being angry, not understanding why things weren’t working out. The only difference between her in that moment and me six months ago was I had tried my best. I appreciated Jayla for wanting to give it one more go, but it was too late.
Slipping into some pants, I looked her in the eyes and confessed, “I love her, Jayla. When you love someone, you can’t just sit back and watch while they walk away.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. I love you, Lynn. Don’t do this.”
“Its too late to chase after me,” I said, heading in the direction of the door. “That’s all I wanted for the longest time is for you to work for our relationship, but you didn’t. Now, its too late. I’m sorry.”